im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
