Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
