i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
