For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need to sanitize my soul.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
