guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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