dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
