She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
