Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
