I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
