I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
