Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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