I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
