there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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