yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
