cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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