my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
