my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
