I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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