i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Someone came in the potted fern
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
