If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
