Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
