Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
