I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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