I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
