You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
