I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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