you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
