I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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