When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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