oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
