Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
