The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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