You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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