i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
