sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
