Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she peed on how many people?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
