id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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