I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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