My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
