I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
