I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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