I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
