i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
