God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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