Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
