I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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