This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
