I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
