The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
