im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
