highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
