I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
