So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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